in the absence of security i made my way into the night

tables have turned. we finally heard a scheme on how are we going to do this things with the diploma next year. as a result i am not sure if i am going to knoxville then and 100% sure im not going to asia & australia for christmas. what a shame. the thing is that we finish the semester AND THE EXAMS (!) in the middle of december and we have whole january to do our diploma project. if we were to go to knoxville, we must go there in early january.
i must figure everything out, im sure they dont want to resign from this exchange, its a great idea and opportunity.

as for me, im looking for a job in an architectural bureau but its tough to find and also ive recently decided that the project im doing right now (the building of local court in wieliczka, check out the map 'for the location HERE or see it HERE) is going to be my diploma project. actually its the last call to decide, im a quite sure that for the next one ill be doing on 7th semester ill have too few time to finish. i mean i could finish it but i want to have at least one project to show to anyone, all the others are just shit, i cant find any other euphemism, or maybe 'gunk' is the word?
its important to say that we only have one shot for the exams in december, otherwise we have a year of urlaub and ill have another next december.
i need to earn some money. i need to travel, there is so much to see and year after year im becoming weaker and less interested in anything. i found this quotation on your friend's blog (besos brujos): "Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing" (Sylvia Plath, 1955)." this is me.
I miss you so much and i am so angry with myself that i dont do everything i could to meet you soon. you're always there for me, you light up my days and your letters are always awesome. i would like to visit your country so much. i heard its beautiful, that malaysia i more or less like tropical paradise. in opposition to colorado :) but i truly regret that i will not meet you while in the united states. maybe we could go there together sometime, when we're old and settled (whatever that means...).
and to write more positive things, i have to mention that spring has finally arrived. easter is coming next week but i don't think architecture students know the word "HOLIDAY" at all. especially because my grandma had a stroke on friday (not a tough one, but dangerous, she cant see anything...). somebody will have to move in with her and thats going to be tough. i knew that shes not going to live forever but late evening on thursday i visited her and everything was fine and now shes in hospital and we have to feed her. but i think everythings going to be fine.
i miss you so much, lets talk on the phone sometime. tell me how youre spending easter break (i hope at least you from us two are going to have one) and how did all your projectas go.
and, btw, im on big facebook rehab, excuse me but i needed to.
ill post some picture as soon as i find the cable but for today please have this - me circa 1st grade of primary school (= 6 yrs old). i was soooooo hip with those lace thights, dont you think

banyak cinta!!!!! (is that correct?) 

my clothes dont fit me no more - I walked a 1000 miles just to slip the skin

i finished the semester, but still dont have one last note put in this catalan computer system and i still wont get my great 100 euros. where r u, erasmus god? why dont they let me have it? i need them for next week, im going to netherlands for idiots sake!
as for other things, im cleaning out my closet, metaphorically and literally. blame it on the weatherman, i have no clue how come its 9. march and its still freezin cold? how come? 5 degrees below zero and your selfesteem drops to 25 below zero.
today the generation a jacket arrived. at last. i have to read more, more, more, read at piccadilly circus, next to british museum and then at the red light district. or wherever, just read. 
gimme some time, ill fix everything and ill go for a crazy catholic european vacation. one of these breteastonellisish style.

"sometimes u have to be zarathustra. be mean."

my boyfriend went to mexico and all i got was this shitty picture

 

"and u r just jealous"

leave me alone im a twentysomething

i must admit it first. i dont like blogging in foreign languages. unless its blogging about expensive computer parts or trying to sell on-line the crap i hoarded in my closet (or what should be my closet) on my endless and countless gone-thrift-shopping-diner-is-in-the-oven adventures. loads of money had i spent there, loads and loads and loads. anyway, what i wanted to do is to answer to some suggestions some of my dear not polish-speaking friends (especially those located in the US) had been making over the last few months.
ladies and gentleman, będę mówić po polsku, bo jestem polakiem i myślę po polsku. not this time. 
so here i am, stuck in the middle, almost a college dropout for the second time (oh dont panic until you know for sure - which is i guess in 8 hours or so). im almost drowning in the clothes i hate (the only ones i do not hate are mainly those, you would say crappy old school, thrifted tshirts i adore wearing so much and the lovely hand me downs from the great us of a). the only shoes i can wear are keds so now you have no doubts why winter really stresses me out.
im 22 and im not even close to the badass i thought id be by 20. "by 23, all you gotta be is yourself, sweetie". ok, ethan, that only works if youre winona and get paid for breathing, not mentioning going to bed with ethan hawke and spending some quality time in the cuckoos nest. btw, i dont care that much. i mean, its just that ive become even more aspergian and sociopathic than i used to be. i dont care that much cause "people are mainly shallow and superficial" as one guy who likes to smell sausages once said to me, but somwtimes its not so pleasant to be so contra.
more to come. the judgement hour approaches.

welcome to wherever you are

this is not a test, this is reality